How To Get Kids To Sound Smart Without Reading Books

Pros and Cons to Reading Books, but Mostly Cons

Everyone knows that saying that you read books makes you sound smart, the same way using really big words or having a British accent does.  Some people have even gone as far to say that actually reading books really does make you smarter.  Some people even claim thag reading improves vocabulary, enhances creativity, reduces stress, improves memory, and some other stuff that I forget right now.  The only problem with that is that reading also happens to be super boring and kind of gay.

Books don’t have awesome graphics, killcams, or kill counters like Call of Duty.  You can’t kill steal cars and kills hookers like you can in Grand Theft Auto.  There are no cool famous people like Jake and Logan Paul in books.  The only famous people you can read about in books now are the old boring dead ones, like Abe Lincoln and Jesus.  All the famous people that anyone actually gives a shit about either have Youtube channel or play sports. They don’ write books. I did find a book about super awesome pro wrestler/world saver, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson by Kim Bernal on Amazon.  Only to later find out that it was nothing more than an adult coloring book.

So what  are children supposed to do to sound smart in this new modern age of cool shit like YouTube channels and  video games?  The answer to this question is quite shocking.  Keep reading to learn more.

Sometime The Answers Are In A Riddle, Like In Batman Forever or Die Hard With a Vengeance

What does a man with no penis, a psychic, the world’s fattest man, a man with an 80 pound groin, polygamists, gypsies, people born without arms, a guy too fat to turn himself into a woman,  women who have babies in their pants, women who have babies in public restrooms, giants, giant families, people attracted to inflatable whales, midgets, midget couples, midget cripples, midget cripple farmers, midget families, black ghost hunters, psychics, women from Alaska, people who eat of dumpsters, a merman, the world’s largest mustard collection, a pretty wedding dress, fat people, fat families, fat midgets, fat people who aren’t fat anymore, fat people who don’t even care that they are fat, The Amish, Pete Rose and Jamie Lynn Spears all have in common?

The Answer to the Question that Answered the Previous Question Asked Prior to This Question May Surprise You.

If you guessed that they are all people we all make fun of, well then you are only partially correct.  It is true that these are people we all make fun of, but they are also people who have shows on The Learning Channel.  Children can now finally sound smart without pretending to like books or brooding.

Anything with the word “Learning” in the title always makes you sound smart, the same wearing glasses and going to Starbucks does.  Hearing a child say, “I am going to put my glasses on, then grab a Starbucks and watch The Learning Channel,” sounds way smarter than if they says, “I am going to play Call of Duty and not do my homework.”

Below are some clips of shows on The Learning Channel. Now I don’t know for sure if we are really learning anything from a guy making out with an inflatable whale, a sassy toddler who plays with her belly fat, or even a really fat guy eating pizza with his shirt off, but I guess it’s like the old saying goes, “Awesome shit on T.V. will always be way better than learning stuff, bro.”