Every Marriage Has Its Own Struggles. You Are Not Alone
If you are reading this chances are you are unhappy in your marriage. Don’t worry you are not alone. I know exactly what you are going through. I know that you probably hate your spouse. You probably can’t stand everything about them from how they eat pizza with a fork right down to that stupid high pitched squeal they make when they sneeze. You are probably sick of taking cold showers because you married a selfish bitch who uses up all the hot water in the mornings. There is even a chance that you hate the way they never shut up during movies or how they chew their gum like some kind of obnoxious asshole. I am sure that you don’t like their fat miserable friends and that stupid fake laugh they have when they are with them. Don’t feel bad. Every marriage has the exact same set of problems. You can get through it.
People Who Have Decorative Towels Are Stupid, But That Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be Married To Them
You can save your marriage. It doesn’t matter if you married someone who spends all of your hard earned money on stupid nonsense like Pampered Chef, Coach purses or trendy diets. Or how fed up you are with them nagging you all the time about dumb stuff like not taking out the garbage, making a mess in the kitchen, or not helping with laundry. You can even save your marriage if you are in a relationship with someone who busts your balls constantly just because you used one of their precious stupid fucking decorative hand towels. Everyone knows that people who buy decorative towels are stupid, but that doesn’t mean that you still can’t be happily married one of them. I can show you how. I have been through it myself and I can teach you how to save your marriage.
Marriage Is Hard Work
Even if your spouse isn’t a complete moron obsessed with decorative towels. Maybe they do other things that bother you. Perhaps they are really bad with money or have really super annoying habits. They might be overbearing. Maybe they are emasculating or treat you like a child. They might even just be a straight up asshole. If you follow my steps, you can learn to look past all of that and still be happily married to them.
Having a deep seeded hatred towards your husband or wife is no reason to not spend the rest of your life with them. You can still live in the same house with them and see them day in and day out until you are dead. You have heard the saying, “Marriage is hard work..” Well, it’s even harder when you can’t stand the person your married to. But that doesn’t mean that saving your marriage is impossible. That only means that you have to work harder at it than anyone has ever worked at anything in the history of the world. My marriage was on the rocks and I felt the same way that you are feeling right now. That was until my wife and I decided to take a few steps to work on our marriage. Now we are happier than we have ever been. Here is what we did to work on our relationship
Consider Marriage Counseling
My wife and I didn’t actually go to marriage counseling, but we did talk about it a lot. Marriage counseling comes with a lot of positives. A marriage counselor can act as an objective third party to prove to your wife that you are always right. They can even reaffirm your belief that your wife is in fact a huge bitch.
The only real drawback to marriage counseling is that it doesn’t work and is giant waste of time and money. Plus, most marriage counselors are completely full of shit. Marriage counseling is an important first step in saving marriage, and you should at least pretend to take it serious after all of your really big fights.
Pick Your Battles.
My wife and I fought constantly over everything from where to keep our shoes to who our cat liked more. Another argument we used to get in was who was a better grocery shopper, which was clearly me because she would waste all this money buying ridiculous health food that neither of us ate. Over the years I learned that those were silly things to fight over. The best way to have a strong healthy relationship is to pick your battles. In a healthy marriage you should only start fights that you absolutely know you can win, or if you are really drunk.
Be on Each Other’s Team
There is no I in Team, but there is an “I” in divorce. There is also an I in marriage, but ironically enough that is silent. In any case, it is crucial that you are on each other’s team and you support one another and empower each other. Being supportive lets the other one know that you are behind them no matter what.
II don’t know how many times my wife told me that she was going to leave me. Never once did I try to stop her. I always supported her decision. I would always try to encourage her with words of empowerment like “Well then get all your fucking shit and go already. I’m not going to fucking stopping you.” One time I got really mad and told her that I wanted a divorce. Not only did she support my decision, she even helped me pack my stuff by throwing all my clothes and shoes out in the front yard. That is what teamwork looks like in a healthy marriage
Use Healthy Conflict Styles
The backbone of a healthy marriage is a healthy conflict style. Once you say something to your spouse you can never take it back. That is why it is so important to choose your words carefully when you fight. “You” or “You should” statements always comes across as confrontational. Instead use the less threatening “I” statement. According to GoodTherapy.org “I” message or “I” statement is a style of communication that focuses on the feelings or beliefs of the speaker rather than thoughts and characteristics that the speaker attributes to the listener.
I am a highly evolved person with a very high emotional I.Q. Needless to say, I have always had a very healthy conflict style and always use “I” statements. It was always my wife who was the crazy psycho bitch who would get all crazy whenever I tried to tell her how I was feeling. Here is an example of a healthy conflict that actually occurred in my marriage. I approached my wife in a very calm manner and said, “I feel like your a stupid cunt when you spend 300 dollars that we don’t have on a stupid fucking hair straightener when you could have got one at Walmart for like 3o bucks.” Notice how I did not start that conversation with a confrontational “you” statement and I picked my battle. I picked that particular battle because I knew that it was a fight that I could clearly win. Any good marriage counselor will tell you that 300 dollars is clearly way too much money to pay for a stupid fucking hair straightener.
Think About the Children
I don’t mean think about the children when it comes to divorce in the literal sense. People get divorced all them time, and it actually works out in the children’s favor. Kids in broken homes are luckiest kids in the whole wide world. They get two of everything, two Christmas’, two birthdays. They even have two parents who are always in competition with one another. When parents are trying to outdo one another, that means two things: more toys and less rules. Coming from a broken home should be every kid’s dream. Children will be fine if you divorce. You don’t have to worry about them.
When I say think of the children, I don’t mean the actual children. I mean the the money you will have to pay your children in support. There is one guy I know who pays 3500 dollars a month in child support and is so broke that he lives in his parent’s basement. He should have used more “I” statements and kept his mouth shut about the decorative towels.
Improve Communication and Improve Your Relationship
Be aware of what signals your body language is giving off to your partner. Nonverbal communication is very powerful, and it can speak much louder than any words. Non-verbal communication can be something like a dirty look, a slouched posture, dumping a beer over your husband’s head at a baseball game, or even knocking your husband’s tooth out after a Christmas party. Those are just personal examples of non-verbal communication that occurred in my marriage. Always be aware of what your non-verbal communication matches up with what your verbal communication.
Verbal communication is equally important in a marriage. When you communicate verbally you should be open and honest about everything. Well, everything except cheating. You might want to lie about that if you want to save your marriage. That usually leads to divorce. After I verbally communicated to my wife that I had sex with a girl I met at a bar, she verbally communicated to me that she had been banging this chubby little Filipino guy at work for the past two years. We have been divorced for 2 years now and we haven’t been happier. We don’t fight over making beds, money, dirty dishes or anything anymore really. In fact we hardly even speak to one another, so there is very little risk of having having any pent up resentment or an unhealthy conflict like when we were married.
Just because I didn’t actually save my marriage doesn’t mean that they you can’t save yours. Keep trying and eventually you and your spouse will be able to tolerate one another someday. I am sure of it. Until next time, happy marriage saving everyone!
Stay tuned for my upcoming blogs: Defeating Your Ex at Co-Parenting, Raising Children Who Suck at Sports, How To Turn Gay Children Straight and Getting Out of Paying Child Support.
Feel free to leave comments or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like to know more about me or how I became a Life Champion.