How To Get Kids To Sound Smart Without Reading Books

Pros and Cons to Reading Books, but Mostly Cons

Everyone knows that pretending to like to read books makes you sound smart, the same way using really big words and having a British accent does.  Some people have even gone as far to say that actually reading books really does make you smarter.  One mom even claims that reading improves vocabulary, enhances creativity, reduces stress, improves memory, and some other stuff that I forget right now.  That is a great idea in theory.  The only problem with is that reading also happens to be super boring and really gay.

Books don’t have awesome graphics, killcams, or kill counters like Call of Duty.  You can’t kill steal cars and kills hooks like you can in Grand Theft Auto.  Books don’t have any cool famous people like Jake and Logan Paul.  The only famous people you can read about in books now are the most boring famous people of all, like Abe Lincoln and Jesus.  I did find a book about super awesome pro wrestler/world saver, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson by Kim Bernal on Amazon.  I was  later saddened to find out that it was nothing more than an adult coloring book.

So what  are children supposed to do to sound smart in this new modern age of cool shit like vlogs and video games?  The answer to this question is quite shocking.  Keep reading to learn more.

Sometime The Answers Are In A Riddle, Like In Batman Forever or Die Hard With a Vengeance

What does a man with no penis, a psychic, the world’s fattest man, a man with an 80 pound groin, polygamists, gypsies, people born without arms, a guy too fat to turn himself into a woman,  women who have babies in their pants, women who have babies in public restrooms, giants, giant families, people attracted to inflatable whales, midgets, midget couples, midget cripples, midget cripple farmers, midget families, black ghost hunters, psychics, women from Alaska, people who eat of dumpsters, a merman, the world’s largest mustard collection, a pretty wedding dress, fat people, fat families, fat midgets, fat people who aren’t fat anymore, fat people who don’t even care that they are fat, The Amish, Pete Rose and Jamie Lynn Spears all have in common?

The Answer to the Question that Answered the Previous Question Asked Prior to This Question May Surprise You.

If you guessed that they are all people we all make fun of, well then you are only partially correct.  It is true that these are people we all make fun of, but they are also people who have shows on The Learning Channel.  Children can now finally act really smart without pretending to like books or brooding all the time.

Anything with the word “Learning” in the title always makes you sound smart, the same wearing glasses and going to Starbucks does.  Hearing a child say, “I am going to put on my glasses, grab a Starbucks and watch something on The Learning Channel,” sounds way smarter than if they says, “I am going to play Call of Duty and not do my homework.”

Now I don’t know for sure if we are really learning anything from a guy making out with an inflatable whale, or a sassy toddler who plays with her belly fat, or even a really fat guy eating pizza with his shirt off, but I guess it’s like the old saying goes, “Awesome shit on T.V. will always be way better than learning stuff, bro.”

Dwarfs Finally Have Their Martin Luther King, and His Name is Eugene

Who is Eugene?

Eugene Grant, is a writer, activist, and dwarfism extraordinar who is involved in the  Restricted Growth Association (RGA).  He is also now the new voice of empowerment for dwarfs everywhere and guys named Eugene.  Eugene’s’ recent impassioned Twitter rant on dwarfism equality was nothing short (no pun intended) of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech. It reminded us all how offensive the “M” word can be, and why we should never call anyone a midget, especially a real midget, and never to their face.

His tweet said something about gnats and circus freak shows, and calling people by their real name and something else about respecting all people. I’ll be honest.  I didn’t actually read the whole thing, but only because I didn’t have to.  I heard his rally cry loud and clear, and now I will never use the “M” word again. That is unless I absolutely have to. Like if I wanted to hire Mighty Mike Midget to breathe fire and make balloon animals at my son’s birthday.  Well then I would have to use the “M” word because that is part of his stage name.  Other than that, I will never use that word again.  Even if I see one in real life, as I am pointing and laughing at him I will say, “Oh look over there at that funny looking little Mid…I mean dwarf.”

Why Is It So Easy For People to Use the “M” word?

There is a great paradox in our country when it comes to derogatory slurs.  People tend to use the word “midget” freely and often, not taking it’s impact very seriously. Meanwhile the”N” word has possibly become the most powerful word in the English language.  It is up there on the Mount Rushmore or offensive terms, right next to the big ones like beef curtains, moose knuckle, and even blumpkin. The mere utterance of the “N” word by a non-black in our country will have them ostericied and shunned as one of lowest forms of life in our society today.  They will wind up being labeled as either a racist, a punk-ass little white fake-ass wanna-be nigga little bitch, or worst yet a Trump supporter.

What Can Dwarfs Do To Change How They Are Viewed?

How did this happen?  How did the “M” word wind up becoming the “N” word’s retarded little brother that no one respects or takes serious?   The answer to that question is quite simple really.  The truth is that people just aren’t as scared of dwarfs as they are of black people.  That is just the harsh reality that exists in out society today.

Dwarfs don’t have guns and kill people like black people do.  No dwarf rapper is named Uncle Murda.  There aren’t any famous dwarf rappers in prison. There are no scary dwarf neighborhoods that I am afraid to go into. Not a lot of dwarfs have really intimidating neck or face tattoos like black people do. I can’t even remember the last time a bunch of dwarfs got together and lit an entire city on fire, and then looted diapers and flat screens like after the Ferguson riots.  And you never hear a dwarf call another dwarf a midget, then say it is ok if we call each other it.  Until dwarfs toughen up and start following black people’s blueprint for stopping the use of the “N” word, I am afraid Eugene Grant will have a very steep uphill climb towards dwarf equality.

My Own Person Struggles With Dwarfism

As a former dwarf myself, I am glad to see someone like Eugene Grant finally taking a stand for the little guy (this time the pun was intended, get it?).   For many years I  had to face my own struggles with dwarfism, so I know exactly what it feels like to be a cute little midget.  I mean little person.  Sorry, bad habit.

When I was a dwarf and smaller than everyone else I needed those booster seats at McDonalds.  My feet didn’t reach the pedals on my bike.  My height was constantly an issue, and size discrimination was always in the forefront of my consciousness.  Amusement parks always said I was too small to go on all the cool rides.  I wasn’t legally allowed to use an adult seat belt. I wasn’t even allowed to play footballs with all of my dickhead older cousins at a family picnics when I was a kid.  Fucking assholes.

I eventually grew up and became a tall normal sized non-dwarf human. However, I still never forgot all of the struggles I had to endure during my time as a Little Person.  Dwarfs will always hold a very special place in my heart. Now every time I play dwarf toss at a bachelor party, or I am pointing and laughing at one, I give them a polite little nod of approval, just to let them know  that I once too a dwarf, just like them.  Click here if you would like to read anymore Lifestyle  blogs.

Times Up for Hashtag MeToo-The Critics Review This Latest Trend

Times Up is #Metoo Part 2

The Times Up Women’s Movement is just another shitty sequel looking to cash in on the original success of it’s #MeToo predecessor.  It reminds me of Jaws 2, but with sexual misconduct allegations instead of sharks.

Does The Times Up Movement Really Need All That Merchandising?

This is clearly last ditch effort to energize a dying movement.  It is like when The Fonz jumped the shark in on water skis in Happy Days to try and save the series from being cancelled (where the term, Jump the Shark” originated by the way).  It looks like a He-Man type merchandising push.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see Matt Lauer action figures.  At least it should have say something cooler like “Charlie Rose showed me his dick and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.

Hollywood Launches Time’s Up to End Sexual Harassment -Here’s Their Plan.

Promotional Photo for Times Up Merchandise is Offensive

Check out the link to the US Weekly article posted below.  That red head in the photo has her hand awfully close to that guys dick, and where is that blonde’s chicks hand.  It looks to me like it slid it all the way down the back and she is playing a little David-Cop-a-Feel,  just George Bush, the old cripple one. I hope the poor bastard  in that photo at least gets a complimentary Times Up tote for getting all felt up by those women.

Show Your Solidarity with #TimesUp Merch

 

I Don’t Know the Point of The Times UP Movement 

My last concern with Times Up is that I read at least 4 articles on Times Up, and I still don’t know what the hell the point of it is.

Overall Rating 

I am a big fan of sexual misconduct allegation movements. I like them almost as much as I liked Star Wars.  Unfortunately for Times Up, this is no Return of The Jedi, and it looks like this is never going to live up to expectations.  This will be a flash in the pan and go down in the anals of history as just another Caddyshack II. Time is up alright, only not for the men grabbing women by the pussy.  It is over for The Times Up Movement.  Unless this somehow manages to take down someone as powerful as Donald Trump with some sort of crazy donkey punch allegation,  Times Up did not live up to my expectations.  I am only giving it 2 Weinsteins. Read more on how women around the world set up the world’s biggest cock block. 

Harvey Weinstein Says Times Up #MeTooHarvey Weinstein says Times Up #MeToo

Women’s March 2018-Women Unite to Form the World’s Biggest Cock Block

 

Observations From The 2018 Women’s March 

The Big Question About the Women’s March

I am all for supporting women, but these women are so busy running around being empowered all day, then who the hell is at home cooking dinner and taking care of their kids?

An Incredible Amount of Men Were In Attendance 

I still can’t figure this one out.   I have done a lot of  crazy shit for pussy in my day, and I wouldn’t even go to feminist rally.   Women’s March 2018 was like the world’s biggest cockblock.  No man is getting laid there.  There can only one be logical explanation for a man to go to a Women’s March.   Their wives made them go, and their balls are shoved so deep into their wives’ purses that they are smooshed all the way at bottom next to dirty pieces of gum and loose change.

America Needs to Heal.

Kudos to women for trying to heal a wounded nation.  If history has  taught us anything, it is that the best way to unite a divided country is to form an angry mob and protest in the streets.  Not only does it bring the country together, but it boost CNN’s ratings, and it gives people a chance to steal stuff and light fires.  Only good things happen when giant mobs form in the streets.

The Women’s March Seemed A Little Flat. 

Overall the Women’s March seemed like it was missing something, maybe a little bit lackluster. It didn’t have the flare of a Black Friday riot, and it definitely didn’t have the pizazz of a Black Lives Matter Protest.  Now those guys know how to throw a fucking protest.  Just look at this footage of the protest they hosted in Baltimore last year.  It looked like Mardi Gras, only with real mad black people and fire.  Some of the stores were even giving stuff away for free.  I saw a picture of one guy walking out of a store with four free flat screens right before he burned it down.  Now that’s what I call a protest!  Click here if you want to read more article about really annoying women. 

 

 

 

Photography for a Diverse World

Georgia Department of Corrections Takes the Most Distasteful Photo of Cotton Ever Known to Man

Recently the Georgia Department of Corrections posted a horrifying racist photo of a cotton field on Facebook.    This is probably the most distasteful photo of cotton ever taken in the history of mankind.  This was more than just some good old fashioned Internet race baiting too.  This was real racism. If you think otherwise, then you aren’t just playing devil’s advocate.  You are playing white devil’s advocate.   This photo was appalling, and I may never be able to look at cotton or even cotton products like sweatpants or pillows again:

The Georgia Department of Corrections posed in a COTTON FIELD for their holiday photo.

Posted by Shaun King on Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The Proper Way to Take Culturally Sensitive Photos

1. Use Real Black People

The photo posted by the Georgia Department of Corrections was not only insensitive.  It was ignorant, crude and culturally insensitive.  Today I am going to teach you how to take a tasteful Life Champion photo that will bring society closer together and celebrate cultural diversity around the world.   The best way to take a culturally sensitive photo is to use a real black person.  If you don’t have one, don’t ever to try create one like this person did:

Everyone will know that you created a fake, and some people may take offense. Always use a real ones like these:

This is a photo of three African Americans.  However, there are clearly  racist and bigoted undertones evident in this picture.   Take note of the wall in the background.  It is a flat wall that is similar to the walls that were in the homes of slave owners.  Also, notice how the man in the middle is holding a cup of coffee with a black lid.   Furthermore, I find the very fact that he is holding coffee offensive.  Many racists have been known to drink coffee. Lastly, notice how much larger the white paper is than the black coffee lid.  That is clearly a message of racial inequality and white dominance that is being conveyed in this photo.

2. Take Photographs That Celebrate Other Cultures

A truly culturally sensitive photograph shows minorities  that we respect them, their values and their culture.  See these photos below:

Nothing in either of these photos can be seen as offensive.  There are no cotton fields, black coffee lids, or white pieces of paper.  It is only fried chicken and watermelon, which are a respectful celebration of things all black people love.  I hope this was helpful educating you how to celebrate diversity the best practices for taking culturally sensitive photographs.   Happy photographing everyone! Feel free to leave feedback and comments! Like me on Facebook.  Click here if you want to read more on cultural sensitivity.